Curriculum-Vitae !

ist2_2169004-funny-glasses

SOURAV CHANDRA PANDEY

Address: Latitude: 28° 35’ N

Longitude: 77° 12’ E

Phone: Maha Nagar Telecom Ltd.

Mobile: Always busy !

Email: breaking.news@indiatv.com

OBJECTIVE: To buy Microsoft only to sell it back to Mr. Gates at doubled prices.

PROFILE

  • Hardly-motivated, always sleeping and goal-less person.
  • Cheat and fraud, who hates working with nerds, workaholics and honest people.
  • ZERO “Kam-yu-ni-keshan” skills.

PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE

  • I pretended to work and they kept on paying me !
  • Been breathing, eating, smoking and doing other such necessary WORK, on my own for the last 2 decades.

EDUCATIONAL QUALIFICATIONS

  • Maha Bekaar Aadmi (as you all assume to know by now).
  • Did something before MBA too, don’t remember the lessons learnt thn !
  • You can’t expect me to remember and tell you what I did in school.

OTHER QUALIFICATIONS

  • Laughing Out Loud ! LOL
  • Rolling On The Floor ! ROFL
  • Laugh My Arse Off ! LMAO

INTERNSHIP/TRAINING

  • Wasting three months and some left over money of a ‘Recession-hit-company’ .

TECHNICAL SKILLS

  • Can bore anyone.
  • Make your mind if you want to know this, I can hit anyone, anytime.

EXTRA-CURRICULAR ACTIVITIES/ACHIEVMENTS

  • ;)
  • :D
  • :P

HOBBIES/INTERESTS

  • Bird-watching.
  • Sleeping.
  • Eating.
  • Wasting people’s time on reading my blog posts.

I, hereby declare that the information furnished above is written in the best of a drunk’s knowledge and belief and you are advised to hit yourself after reading this, you are so useless.

NOT SIGNED ! :P

67 people read and said:

rachaelgking said...

I think one should always post drunk.

Happybirdie said...

I thought you hv posted a few tips on "how to make a CV" ;),but anywaz a very funny and interesting post.take care

S said...

@Lilu ... I guess true, but I wasn't drunk .. it's just hyped ... LOL :P

@happybirdie .. Yeah, tips .. I can give you, but this is how your CV may look like or even worse !

IceMaiden said...

hahhahahahah!!!!! lolz... first thing in d morning i read this, i hope i have such a laughing (read: lukkha) day as ur CV :P :D

Cheers,
Annie.

S said...

Bless you with a complete 'lukkha' and 'vella' day :P

Keep laughing and you made my day :)

rimz said...

hmmmm....awesome.... I m planning to hit my next campus placement interview with such a CV. wat say??? ...:D..:P

Guria said...

Hah! Drunk is an excuse! Drunks don't spell or punctuate so well!

I know this is your actual CV...

:P

S said...

@Rimz ... Doing such an act would be entirely at your own risk and discretion .. :P


@Guria .. you know me so well now :P
Are you as literate and talented too ? ;)

Pramoda Meduri said...

Hahahah..Enjoyed reading it ..

hey sourav, would like to read a serious post frm u after this ...:) ..

S said...

Pramoda ... :D

Wish granted girl .. was planning to pen out one deep secret about my own life .. but after a week or two :)

take care :)

Guria said...

No one can be as literate or talented as you, Sourav!! :D

Alas, I can not be! Plus I don't get drunk! Sad fate! :P

So, you will write a serious post?

What will that say???

I am Sourav Pandey

lol...

Guria said...

And I blogrolled you... hmmph! :P

Rià said...

hmmm....interesting and creative CV ha! :D

S said...

Thanks thanks thanks, Guria :D

I don't get drunk either :P

Wait till I write and you'll bow in my honor :P

Let's see .. Am not as misfit as you are, I have better things to say :P

On a serious note, life has twisted and turned in the last few months, might just express it out in a light way ! :)

And yeah .. Thank you :P

S said...

@Ria : Hmmm ...interesting CV .. find me a job in your company :P

HaRy!! said...

hmm now lemme see which company is goin to recruit for such an awesome resume!Poor Gates...if he knew yu were planning such a thing.... God!! poor he:)

Hafsah said...

and you are appointed! :D

welcome to lala land ^^

vandy said...

awesome

so where this cv took u to??????????

Urvashi said...

Waah..kya CV Hai...MBA.. ;)!!

Isse jyaada innovative n creative CV to kisi aur ka hoga hi nahi...!!!

But u call ur readers useles...not fair... :(

Cheers,
Urvashi. :D

Saad Shaikh said...

Well, Sourav.. cool yaar.. I am pleased to have such a highly qualified person as my friend.. :) :)

For the sake of our friendship, I can help you buy Microsoft.. I am almost done with a deal to buy Hersheys and some other F500 cos.. Buying MS won't be that big a deal then.. :D

and yeah.. for timepass, I can give you the contact no. of my HR.. we need 'convicted' people like you in our company.. :P

ROFLMAO.. :D

Ann said...

Good sense of humor :) ...

Sathish Chandrasekaran (சதீஷ் சந்திரசேகரன்) said...

Hmmm lets hope Bill Gates isnt aware of such ppl trying to take over his concern ;)

bliss said...

hey! some people actually have bird watching as a hobby, well, m not one of them, but still.. jeez, u have learnt so much!!! good going, man!

neat! loved it!!! :)

Ekam said...

Wow! What a CV! Bhagwan bhala kare emoloyers ka :D

"I pretended to work and they kept on paying me !"
How I wish I get such professional experience :D

Samadrita said...

>>TECHNICAL SKILLS

* Can bore anyone.

So not true.This post is a perfect proof of that fact. :P

S said...

@Hary : Yeah poor "Gates" and his poorer "windows" ! :D


@Hafsah : Lala land .. I'll need some good training under you, before I can join you :P
What work will I do in your firm ;) ??

S said...

@Vandana : This CV is not taking me anywhere .. it was posted to get your and my other blog mates kind attention to help me get a job ;)


@Urvashi ... Thank you :P
Innovative aur creative .. I have more qualification to my credit, but I don't like to show-off ;) :D
And when the writer is such a freaking useless person, how can readers not be useless :P
Kidding, you guys are the imporatnt part of my life now :)

S said...

Adaab Saad Sahab ! :D

I'm equally pleased to have not so literate person as my friend too :P

Bro, whats your plans, we can go out on a shopping spree, and buys such small F500 cos. kisi din shaam ko ;) .. and I don't have time to meet all 500 CEO's .. so if you can please go and see at least half of them personally :D

I'm very serious with my life, I don't do 'time-pass' like you :P


@Thank you my neighbor .. err The Girl Next Door ! :D

S said...

@Sathish ... I had a talk with Billy .. he is asking me to leave a 20% stake for him .. lets see how it all turns up :D


@Bliss .. I actually meant going to the bird-zoo and watching the flying birds there .. wonder what are you thinking ... Girl, you got a corrupted mind :P LOL !
Thank you :)

S said...

@Ekam .. I was not responsible for the economic slow down .. let these employers learn it the hard way, coz they have not been paying MBA's decently .. aur mere last employer toh bankrupt ho bhi gaye :D



@Samadrita : :( .. couldn't bore you with this ... will try hard the next time, make sure you keep coming :D

Anonymous said...

whaaat,....
and I thought I was the only one!!

Anonymous said...

btw do u smoke?

S said...

We are the special ones, Rahul ;)

And yeah, btw I do smoke ... "wills classic - regular" very regularly :D

tharangni said...

wow! u sure did go through the geography text when checking your latitudes and longitudes!

Sh@s said...

You are over-qualified, Bill gates can't afford to hire you else his company will go bankrupt paying your salary...lolzzz

Akansha Agrawal said...

Lovely.. incidentally I sat down and made a CV last night... I should have come earlier... ;)

S said...

@тнƨ [ƨcняɛι] .. I'm only good at 'nothing' :P .. and google is always there, anyways :D


@Shas .. Who wants to be hired, I might hire him as my computer's anti-virus ! :D

S said...

@Akansha ... Poor you, if u ever need any more help or if you need a cover letter before applying to any job, ask me :P

Priyanka Agrawalla said...

Maha Bekar Aadmi!!! Pehli baar suna hai :D "Kam-yu-ni-keshan" ye bhi acha tha!!

Acha C.V. hai!! creative writer ke posting ke kaam to zaroor aayega ;)

Anonymous said...

:D, very nice article.



shilpa

Varsha said...

how is one suposed to calculte their own latitude and longitude?

neha said...

dude i am useless even to follow your blog i know it not just reading this post! :P

you are taming all my dreams of doing MBA!


"Mobile: Always busy !" now i know why ;)

:)

S said...

@Priyanka .. creative wrtier, don't tell me I've to go for one more degree now :P

Welcome to my blog, keep coming and take care :)

@Shilpa : What :P

S said...

@Varsha : latitudes and longitudes are for places not people ... :P


@Neha : You are useless anyways :P
MBA would make you more useless all the more :D

And you know a lot about me now :P

scarlet pimpernel said...

what kind of birdies do you like to watch oyyyy!!!!!!!?

Anwesa said...

totally phunny!!!!

Free Falling said...

Hobbies....
Hahahahahaa
Bird watching! :D
ROLFMHO :D
Gooood post
lemme read the rest =p

p.s. I hate this song :P

Pree-yea said...

LMFAO. Hilarious.
And from now on,Im gonna call you Mr. MBA[thats short for Maha Bekaar Aadmi] :p

Rashmi Jain said...

Hilarious post, can't stop laughing :D

S said...

@Scarlet : The king-fishers' and the mocking birds :P


@Anwesa : Was it .. Damn, who'll give me work now :P

S said...

@Aimun .. Yeah Bird-watching :P

I know u admire me by now :D

P.S. U still have to hear this tune, every time u come to my blog :P

@Pree-yea : Thank u ! Thank u ! :D
Call me whatever u want, coz u r allowed to :P


@Raashi: Welcome to my blog, thanks for the follow :)
And don't stop laughing, if u can't :P

Manju said...

LMAO! i like how you used smiley faces for xtra-curricular activities!
thanks for dropping by my blog
x

Pinpaks said...

I like your Extracurricular activities too like Manju.. :)

Guria said...

Hey, you have a tag or two over at MM, check 'em out, and do them if you want. :)

Esther said...

ROFL that was funny! I recently have been attending interviews I should have entered all this in my CV and get chucked out right at the first place :P keep going.. bring us more tummy aches :D

Guria said...

Buddy, am leaving a comment here in reply to the one you left on Indian Dream in MM.

Thank you.

Absolutely no joking, your thoughts made me honoured. You thinking that it is the best (at least, till now :P) is confidence-boosting to say the least.

Thank you, again.

G.

Harini said...

I am really really late in commenting... I read the post the day you posted. Have been lazy.

Coming back to the post loved it but i can tell u ki, i will never recommend you to anyone :P.

Oh! btw lovely song - Stuck in my heart.. isnt it?

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

LOL.

First visit and this Blog seems interesting.

Kisses.

Anonymous said...

ha..ha..interesting

chér said...

now i know the one person whom not to consult while creating a resume :P....btw cos of this post my day has started with a laugh :)

The Enchantress said...

hahahehe...

dat can make anyone smile..
bird watching...hmmm...

Anonymous said...

One of the best CVs that I read :D

I pray someone hires you.. and hires you good ;)

Nivedita Thadani said...

A PERFECT CV FOR A JOB WHICH ONE REALLY IS NOT INTERESTED BUT IS FORCED TO ATTEND THE INTERVIEW.

deepika said...

lol... yes i m hitting myself now that i have read it!

deepika said...

lol... yes i m hitting myself now that i have read it!

Anonymous said...

I've to admit that i generally get bored to read the entire thing however i believe you can add some value. Bravo !

Live2cherish said...

hahhaha, made my day.
shoo, now i can;t get this Cv out while i am hunting jobs. sighhh