I love her. 26 years, I tried to tell her, but never could. In this time a lot happened – growing up, education, career, marriage and her husband’s death. I tried till I got cancer 2 years ago!

Killing Time
Her funeral. I’ll try now, again. After all, there is no better ghost in this graveyard than me.

You on facebook, Myspace or Twitter? Be careful online!

Online Dating Bad "There are people who reach out to others in this world.  They show signs of weakness.  They put themselves in a place to be frauded, scammed and taken advantage of. I hate to be the voice of reason here, but learn to love yourself, gain some strength, become self aware.

How many women have so desperately longed for love that they ended up marrying a man who abuses them and now they are dead in the grave?  Or how about the women who have been conned out of money and living homeless on the street?  How about the man who married the woman of his dreams only to end up with some arsenic in his coffee every morning so she could collect on his life insurance?

Now, this can happen to anyone.  Even the smartest, most confident and well put together people.  After all, sociopaths and psychopaths graduate to those kind of people for the challenge of it.  However, on the 80% statistic most of those predators go for the feeble minded, weak-minded, insecure, easy to prey on types.

Sociopaths love to help themselves to people who have a self loathing, weak, depressive, needy, and insecure.

In the mind of a sociopath they almost feel like you deserve it and need it.  You think because you can love and you can give and give that everyone else is this way.  The sociopath and psychopath count on that.

Open your eyes.  Love yourself first, know yourself, and be assertive enough to lay down boundaries. I had to learn this the hard way.  I have been harmed, schemed, battered, raped, etc because my desperate need for love.  I got wise to it though and I worked on myself.

Nothing wrong with a little vent.  However, realize that sociopaths will be reading it, and they will want to come in close and swoop you up.  Don't cross the boundaries.

I apologize if this offends anyone.  It isn't meant to. I am hoping in writing this some of you will have a reality check and learn to love yourself and to see how you endanger yourself with this kind of behavior."



Note – This is one article I read on my friends’ Facebook notes. Neither I nor is she sure about the original source of this article or the author. I shared it on my blog, just so that this may serve as an awareness to my readers. Thank you.

The Drivers’ Dance!

A quick glance in the auto back-up camera confirms that it's still there, the silver car, gliding through the dark streets behind me. And with every looming roundabout, we ski forwards on smooth cool rubber, skimming the curves elegantly.
At the red lights, the golden streetlamp spills over the car easing to a halt behind me. The driver is illuminated, hinting at the frame of a man, an arm propped casually against the steering wheel, with an outback-bike-rack fitted in his care.
When amber hits green, we both indicate, simultaneously choosing the left path, and swinging our metal hips that way.
Through urban straights and country twists, he follows, keeping a respectable distance, casually trailing my tracks in the rain. Our driving dance is intricate, mapping miles of uncovered ground, minutes and hours sailing by. I wonder if, like me, his destination is uncertain. If the beginning of his journey was like mine.
We travel like this for over an hour, equal speeds, equal minds. A two car camel train, perusing the deserts of a tarmac street.
And then we reach it.
The crossroads.
We indicate again, as one. But our amber glows repel like opposing magnets. His car nudges slightly to the left behind me, whilst mine inclines it's silver head to the right. I glance in the mirror a final time, before I gently apply pressure to the acceleration, tipping forward ready to move.
His hand raises from the steering wheel and in the dusky glow I see him wave farewell. I lower my eyes quickly, before hesitating, nodding to the mirror as I flash him the indication of my departure. We move off together, gliding apart, blinking into the night.
An automobile farewell. Afterall...we've come a long way together!

Blind Faith!

I don't think I've ever been so lost before
If I've said it once, I've screamed it more
But what was it for?


And I can hear their voices knocking at my door
Thinking of telling me what to do and where to go
And it shows
'Cause in my mind logic has been replaced
With a blindfolded version of real faith
I don't know how much longer I can hold on
When years are short, but heartache is long.

All the memories past, will surely last
But the moment is gone
How strong do you think I am?
I put my trust in something I couldn't see
And even though I can't feel
Somehow I still b.e.l.i.e.v.e !

“May I Please Your Honor” – Nathuram Godse


Born in a devotional Brahmin family, I instinctively came to revere Hindu religion, Hindu history and Hindu culture. I had, therefore, been intensely proud of Hinduism as a whole. As I grew up I developed a tendency to free thinking unfettered by any superstitious allegiance to any isms, political or religious. That is why I worked actively for the eradication of untouchability and the caste system based on birth alone. I openly joined anti-caste movements and maintained that all Hindus were of equal status as to rights, social and religious and should be considered high or low on merit alone and not through the accident of birth in a particular caste or profession. I used publicly to take part in organized anti-caste dinners in which thousands of Hindus, Brahmins, Kshatriyas, Vaisyas, Chamars and Bhangis participated. We broke the caste rules and dined in the company of each other.

I have read the speeches and writings of Dadabhai Nairoji, Vivekanand, Gokhale, Tilak, along with the books of ancient and modern history of India and some prominent countries like England, France, America and' Russia. Moreover I studied the tenets of Socialism and Marxism. But above all I studied very closely whatever Veer Savarkar and Gandhiji had written and spoken, as to my mind these two ideologies have contributed more to the moulding of the thought and action of the Indian people during the last thirty years or so, than any other single factor has done.

All this reading and thinking led me to believe it was my first duty to serve Hindudom and Hindus both as a patriot and as a world citizen. To secure the freedom and to safeguard the just interests of some thirty crores (300 million) of Hindus would automatically constitute the freedom and the well being of all India, one fifth of human race. This conviction led me naturally to devote myself to the Hindu Sanghtanist ideology and programme, which alone, I came to believe, could win and preserve the national independence of Hindustan, my Motherland, and enable her to render true service to humanity as well.

Since the year 1920, that is, after the demise of Lokamanya Tilak, Gandhiji's influence in the Congress first increased and then became supreme. His activities for public awakening were phenomenal in their intensity and were reinforced by the slogan of truth and non-violence, which he paraded ostentatiously before the country. No sensible or enlightened person could object to those slogans. In fact there is nothing new or original in them. They are implicit in every constitutional public movement. But it is nothing but a mere dream if you imagine that the bulk of mankind is, or can ever become, capable of scrupulous adherence to these lofty principles in its normal life from day to day. In fact, honour, duty and love of one's own kith and kin and country might often compel us to disregard non-violence and to use force. I could never conceive that an armed resistance to an aggression is unjust. I would consider it a religious and moral duty to resist and, if possible, to overpower such an enemy by use of force. [In the Ramayana] Rama killed Ravana in a tumultuous fight and relieved Sita. [In the Mahabharata], Krishna killed Kansa to end his wickedness; and Arjuna had to fight and slay quite a number of his friends and relations including the revered Bhishma because the latter was on the side of the aggressor. It is my firm belief that in dubbing Rama, Krishna and Arjuna as guilty of violence, the Mahatma betrayed a total ignorance of the springs of human action.

In more recent history, it was the heroic fight put up by Chhatrapati Shivaji that first checked and eventually destroyed the Muslim tyranny in India. It was absolutely essentially for Shivaji to overpower and kill an aggressive Afzal Khan, failing which he would have lost his own life. In condemning history's towering warriors like Shivaji, Rana Pratap and Guru Gobind Singh as misguided patriots, Gandhiji has merely exposed his self-conceit. He was, paradoxical, as it may appear, a violent pacifist who brought untold calamities on the country in the name of truth and non-violence, while Rana Pratap, Shivaji and the Guru will remain enshrined in the hearts of their countrymen forever for the freedom they brought to them.

The accumulating provocation of thirty-two years, culminating in his last pro-Muslim fast, at last goaded me to the conclusion that the existence of Gandhi should be brought to an end immediately. Gandhi had done very well in South Africa to uphold the rights and well being of the Indian community there. But when he finally returned to India he developed a subjective mentality under which he alone was to be the final judge of what was right or wrong. If the country wanted his leadership, it had to accept his infallibility; if it did not, he would stand aloof from the Congress and carry on his own way. Against such an attitude there can be no halfway house. Either Congress had to surrender its will to his and had to be content with playing second fiddle to all his eccentricity, whimsicality, metaphysics and primitive vision, or it had to carry on without him. He alone was the Judge of everyone and everything; he was the master brain guiding the civil disobedience movement; no other could know the technique of that movement. He alone knew when to begin and when to withdraw it. The movement might succeed or fail, it might bring untold disaster and political reverses but that could make no difference to the Mahatma's infallibility. 'A Satyagrahi can never fail' was his formula for declaring his own infallibility and nobody except himself knew what a Satyagrahi is.
Thus, the Mahatma became the judge and jury in his own cause. These childish insanities and obstinacies, coupled with a most severe austerity of life, ceaseless work and lofty character made Gandhi formidable and irresistible. Many people thought that his politics were irrational but they had either to withdraw from the Congress or place their intelligence at his feet to do with, as he liked. In a position of such absolute irresponsibility Gandhi was guilty of blunder after blunder, failure after failure, disaster after disaster.

Gandhi's pro-Muslim policy is blatantly in his perverse attitude on the question of theimage national language of India. It is quite obvious that Hindi has the most prior claim to be accepted as the premier language. In the beginning of his career in India, Gandhi gave a great impetus to Hindi but as he found that the Muslims did not like it, he became a champion of what is called Hindustani. Everybody in India knows that there is no language called Hindustani; it has no grammar; it has no vocabulary. It is a mere dialect; it is spoken, but not written. It is a bastard tongue and crossbreed between Hindi and Urdu, and not even the Mahatma's sophistry could make it popular. But in his desire to please the Muslims he insisted that Hindustani alone should be the national language of India. His blind followers, of course, supported him and the so-called hybrid language began to be used. The charm and purity of the Hindi language was to be prostituted to please the Muslims. All his experiments were at the expense of the Hindus.

From August 1946 onwards the private armies of the Muslim League began a massacre of the Hindus. The then Viceroy, Lord Wavell, though distressed at what was happening, would not use his powers under the Government of India Act of 1935 to prevent the rape, murder and arson. The Hindu blood began to flow from Bengal to Karachi with some retaliation by the Hindus. The Interim Government formed in September was sabotaged by its Muslim League members right from its inception, but the more they became disloyal and treasonable to the government of which they were a part, the greater was Gandhi's infatuation for them. Lord Wavell had to resign as he could not bring about a settlement and he was succeeded by Lord Mountbatten. King Log was followed by King Stork.

The Congress, which had boasted of its nationalism and socialism, secretly accepted Pakistan literally at the point of the bayonet and abjectly surrendered to Jinnah. India was vivisected and one-third of the Indian territory became foreign land to us from August 15, 1947. Lord Mountbatten came to be described in Congress circles as the greatest Viceroy and Governor-General this country ever had. The official date for handing over power was fixed for June 30, 1948, but Mountbatten with his ruthless surgery gave us a gift of vivisected India ten months in advance. This is what Gandhi had achieved after thirty years of undisputed dictatorship and this is what Congress party calls 'freedom' and 'peaceful transfer of power'. The Hindu-Muslim unity bubble was finally burst and a theocratic state was established with the consent of Nehru and his crowd and they have called 'freedom won by them with sacrifice' - whose sacrifice? When top leaders of Congress, with the consent of Gandhi, divided and tore the country - which we consider a deity of worship - my mind was filled with direful anger.

One of the conditions imposed by Gandhi for his breaking of the fast unto death related to the mosques in Delhi occupied by the Hindu refugees. But when Hindus in Pakistan were subjected to violent attacks he did not so much as utter a single word to protest and censure the Pakistan Government or the Muslims concerned. Gandhi was shrewd enough to know that while undertaking a fast unto death, had he imposed for its break some condition on the Muslims in Pakistan, there would have been found hardly any Muslims who could have shown some grief if the fast had ended in his death. It was for this reason that he purposely avoided imposing any condition on the Muslims. He was fully aware of from the experience that Jinnah was not at all perturbed or influenced by his fast and the Muslim League hardly attached any value to the inner voice of Gandhi.
Gandhi is being referred to as the Father of the Nation. But if that is so, he had failed his paternal duty inasmuch as he has acted very treacherously to the nation by his consenting to the partitioning of it. I stoutly maintain that Gandhi has failed in his duty. He has proved to be the Father of Pakistan. His inner-voice, his spiritual power and his doctrine of non-violence of which so much is made of, all crumbled before Jinnah's iron will and proved to be powerless.

Briefly speaking, I thought to myself and foresaw I shall be totally ruined, and the only thing I could expect from the people would be nothing but hatred and that I shall have lost all my honour, even more valuable than my life, if I were to kill Gandhiji. But at the same time I felt that the Indian politics in the absence of Gandhiji would surely be proved practical, able to retaliate, and would be powerful with armed forces. No doubt, my own future would be totally ruined, but the nation would be saved from the inroads of Pakistan. People may even call me and dub me as devoid of any sense or foolish, but the nation would be free to follow the course founded on the reason which I consider to be necessary for sound nation-building. After having fully considered the question, I took the final decision in the matter, but I did not speak about it to anyone whatsoever. I took courage in both my hands and I did fire the shots at Gandhiji on 30th January 1948, on the prayer-grounds of Birla House.

I do say that my shots were fired at the person whose policy and action had brought rack and ruin and destruction to millions of Hindus. There was no legal machinery by which such an offender could be brought to book and for this reason I fired those fatal shots.

I bear no ill will towards anyone individually but I do say that I had no respect for the present government owing to their policy, which was unfairly favourable towards the Muslims. But at the same time I could clearly see that the policy was entirely due to the presence of Gandhi. I have to say with great regret that Prime Minister Nehru quite forgets that his preachings and deeds are at times at variances with each other when he talks about India as a secular state in season and out of season, because it is significant to note that Nehru has played a leading role in the establishment of the theocratic state of Pakistan, and his job was made easier by Gandhi's persistent policy of appeasement towards the Muslims.

I now stand before the court to accept the full share of my responsibility for what I have done and the judge would, of course, pass against me such orders of sentence as may be considered proper. But I would like to add that I do not desire any mercy to be shown to me, nor do I wish that anyone else should beg for mercy on my behalf. My confidence about the moral side of my action has not been shaken even by the criticism levelled against it on all sides. I have no doubt that honest writers of history will weigh my act and find the true value thereof some day in future.



This article is shared just to provide unbiased information about the murder of India's freedom fighter Mohandas. K. Gandhi and his assasin Nathuram Godse. This site neither supports Nathuram Godse's ideology nor does it disparage Gandhism. An attempt to provide some information about the violent assassination of India's great freedom fighter, Mahatma Gandhi, who believed in non-violence throughout his life. The shocking fact is that the assassins were not headstrong fundamentalists but were highly educated intellectuals who loved their motherland as much, if not more, as Gandhi ji. Then why did they do so ? There are two sides to every coin. This is just a humble attempt to flip the coin and bring out the other side of this dark episode in the history.

Bringing home a smile!

So many legal formalities, everyone was against them; both his family and hers’. Nothing was going right. All they wanted was their support, their acquiescence, but they were deprived of any motivation. Still, they decided to step forward, to bring colours to their life, to make it more complete.

It was the time to bring home their newly found happiness. It was the time to bring their adopted baby girl.



This post was written by my adorable sister Preeti Pandey, a very special person in my life to whom I can confess, crib, curse and laugh aloud; to her I can very well be me and joke about silliest things like a 10 year old or discuss even about really serious issues. The first time, she is writing publically, might convince her to start blogging soon. She celebrated her birthday on August 11th, do not forget to wish her too! :)

Longing : Tishnagi!

longing The dark night and the fire from his eyes
Playing the rays of the moon in the dark sky
Was captivating the powerless me..

At times his face was a mere message
And times it was an infrangible promise..

The face was a smile in a grief,
And a guardian to my modesty..

As pure as the virgin of paradise
The demand to a state of tranquility..

A face to my desires,
Oh The Almighty's gift..

A face that changes the hatreds
Into everlasting love..

It was the dark night,
And beside me was a lamp
And a reflector
To portray my illuminated soul..

Us andheri raat mein
uske absaar se woh aatish
baghaawat ki badr si roshni jaisi
be-taaqat mujhe, asir karrahi thi.

Kabhi pahlu mein ek paighaam sa
kabhi paimaan sa woh chehra..

Har taabish mein tabassum sa
mere hijaab ki hifaazat sa woh chehra..

Woh chehra tha koi hoor sa khalis
har dars ka raahat-o-khwahish, chehra..

Meri hasrat ko shakl di jo rab ne
hai woh inayat, chehra..

Jahan ki har nafrat se
karwade jo mohabbat, chehra..

Haan us andheri raat mein
mere pahlu mein ek chirag tha
aur us chirag ke paas tha ek aayina
jismein mera aks tha us chirag se roshan..


TAmannaAdamo Manna or Tamanna as I like calling her is my sweetest friend, who has been around since I could think of and understood the meaning of who a friend is. At the end of the day, I know she will be around to hear all my useless stories and bad jokes and still smile. She dreams as others do, but she doesn't wake up to forget what she dreamt the night. She rather loves chasing her dreams in broad day light. She is kind enough to write this for me, while she pens her beautiful thoughts at Sun in Virgo!