Just so you know, there is a space that only you can fill.

We were taking a drive in the car like we always did, mostly on our way to somewhere or nowhere else. I’m driving, passing through the highway signs one after another, counting the turns until we get where we’re possibly going.

She’s asleep in the passenger seat, skin porcelain pale in the choked dawn sun. It’s streaming through the windowpane in flashes that mark time with the gaps in the trees, just a few hundred kilometers more.

Somehow I can’t see how this is a real thing, real like the way hearts breaks, but like floating up above here, just looking down into her beautiful face. I shook myself like it was only a dream, but here she is, right beside me in the next seat.

Concentrate, just for a second, curve around the bend before I return to contemplation. I don't like where we’re going now, because for me she is too perfect for the fate that awaits her there, somewhere out beyond my heart’s reach.

But still I drive on through the puddles of sunlight, hoping that she may not wake up and feel the pain, thinking that this is the best thing to do. I feel them, as those tears start to drip down my cheeks, and one glance to the mirror tells me that they glisten in the sunlight. It’s beauty smothered by agony, and I just can’t seem to appreciate it.

A while later there’s a delicate stirring from the seat at my side, and I rub a hand quickly beneath my eyes, refusing to show her my weakness. But she always knows me so well!

Sahil,” she whispers softly, “don’t hide from me.

I don’t respond, but she knows that I heard it ,she can see it in the tightening around my eyes. She knows I really don’t want to go through with this. 

There’s a pen sitting in the cup holder between the front seats, a red pen I never use. She picks it up carefully, rolling it over and around in her delicate fingers for a moment before removing the cap. Before I can actually understand what is happening, I feel the cold ballpoint tip on my forearm, but I can’t look away from the road to see what she’s doing. I can only shiver at the contact, how close she is to me.

It’s the next turn,” I whisper, and I turn my face quickly to avoid seeing the pain in her reaction. I take the turn the green sign says to, NH II. It’s the road I always loved driving in, and the next sign is even worse: Hospital 3 kms away. But still my foot is steady on the accelerator, hands on the wheel at ten and two o’clock, and I reverted to driving classes from nervousness.

We pull into the parking garage, and this black car comes to a halt. I look down at my arm. “Love from Kavya,” is scripted inside a heart, and I almost lose it then, almost! 

I have to be strong for her, for me.

Look at me,” she says, bringing her pale hand up under my chin and turning my face towards hers. I do not resist. Her other hand grips one of mine, and I grasp back strongly.

Her eyes are still deep black and impenetrable her hair still wavy, brownish and soft. She’s the most beautiful person I have ever seen; will ever see. I couldn’t take my eyes off her even if I wanted to.

If there was one thing that you could tell the world,” I begin quietly, “what would it be?

Her eyes hold steady on mine, and I feel a heartbeat pulse between us, an unworldly connection. All I can do is wait for her to answer.

Love,” she says, and then her voice breaks. I can tell she’s about to cry, but I have to hear what she has to say. Finally, I feel her squeeze my hand with all the strength she has left. “Love everyone; everything; every second. You never know when they’re going to take it all away.

I feel her frail frame collapse into mine, dropping my chin and hand. She’s sobbing the way that was inevitable, and I gently lift her chin with one hand, wiping her tears away with my thumb like that could make it all better, like her protector. Though I’m not fooling anyone.
There are two people
sitting right next to a river
too lost
One is dying

Love never will

25 people read and said:

sony said...

Nice. But God forbids this day from in any one's life. Every one should get their love one

Anonymous said...

:) :'( very beautiful and very touching. main to emosonal ho gaya.

Sathish Chandrasekaran (சதீஷ் சந்திரசேகரன்) said...

Nice one Sourav ,though knew the end :)

Malvika said...

Hey. I thought he's dropping her to her wedding, and then the hospital comes instead.
This time I have no suggestion to enhance it. It is perfect acc. to me.
Nothing you could have added, in fact as I write this... I am reading it again to confirm...
Love the second para - choked dawn sun, mark time with gap in trees, real like the way heart breaks, too perfect for the fate, puddles of sunlight... seems the best way, they glisten and I dont like them... endless list it looks like!
yeah, but 'it's'(for sunlight in previous sentence) which starts in a new one, is not really correct right?

Thank you so so much for the comment back there.
Honestly, I want to live up to my poetry everyday, I have been too strong headed in a way to be a practical person but I have made it in many ways small, but yeah, to my heart's content. But I wish we were all children and close to nature (read my God's children and child within)

I hope I don't change in order to live up to the made up world though, being a girl is difficult and I realised that today, was by far toughest day... if I do change I have my poetry to remind of someone who was and who was alive, and the coments too. (Creepy and I am hoping that never happens, not giving up yet), 'cz honestly, I love myself, and I love myself fierce and free.

Today I also realised (I always felt good and proud but now) that comments like yours are important to keep my spirit alive.

When people know you for 'what you think', appreciate it, don't expect any thing in return, don't assume you to be something, can figure you out only with time and through your creation, and may be not even then, can't hound you because they thing something is for your benefit... its rewarding! You can simply be

Ghumakkar Punit said...

Too good...too emotional! And like @Sat_hi_sh said...Nice one, though *felt* the end... :)

Kay said...

it's sad... and beautiful and tragic.... it's life. and aren't we all dying? a little more each day??

which makes me think it even more sad...

heartful read

Palak Vasant said...

So much of pain Sourav, where & why do you hide it? Probably this is the best piece of writing that I have come across your blog. The fear of loosing is so overpowering that it takes over the love at times, why? Love stays but the fear overwhelms, can you really hold things; no then why run, hide or be cold. Think! Am happy you wrote this :)

S said...

@Sony - Thanks! :) You know we all see such a day in our lives in some direct or indirect way! Wishes *sigh*

@Shruti/Anonymous - Thank you and thank you! Emosonal hoke rone toh nai lagi? :p

@Sathish - You have been around since I guess I am blogging, I can't really surprise you! And yes, thanks again :)

@Punit - Thanks brother! Sometimes my thoughts are too reflected on my posts... you felt it, must have been in love? And yeah, thanks :)

S said...

@Malvika - Dropping her to a wedding may not have been so painful!
See I unconsciously worked on few points I guess, but anyway am still far from perfection. But thank you Malvika, an appreciation really helps! :)

You know I liked the 2nd para too, could actually see everything with closed eyes; and endless it is! Thanks for pointing out, that was a mistake, words keep confusing me like always! Will correct that.

Reading your blog was a pleasure, so no thanking me. Tell me, are children not strong headed, well I guess they are! So instead of wishing lets just be what we are, after all this is your God's wish too! And yes, will read the post now.

Change is what and how you think of it to be, sometimes it is so essential; just make sure it is for the good. Stagnancy is not always good too. And yeah, days can be bad, but from what I have read on your blog, you will continue to stand strong! Keep trusting and loving yourself!

And believe me, if my comments can give you even a bit of inspiration to keep your spirit, I'd be around always! Agreed, that in true sense is the feeling of being rewarded. And you know there have been instances where my confidence broke too, but there are few who I know will be there, no matter what!

Thanks, and it is really nice talking to you, see you around and take care :)

@Kay - True, life it is! Guess, it is human tendency to feel only about what we may not have?
Thanks! :)

@Palak - You know me good enough now. You may agree, that greater the capacity to love, the greater is our capacity to feel the pain. I hide yes, but there is no disguise which can hide love for long where it exists, or simulate it where it does not. It will come out, someday very strongly.

Fear of losing does that to love, but isn't that part of love too? Think of it in the other way, that very fear at times can get the truest of your emotions and love inside out! Yes, you made me think today, coz that is something I stopped, thanks! And am more happy, do keep making me think!
Thanks a lot Palak, really! :)

vandy said...

so finally i'm reading ur posts

& i'll try to be regular

i just loved this post

well i guess girls ought to love such stuff & i'm no exception

keep writing like this :)

Nivedita Thadani said...

Heart touching story!! Can I say it a story? I read it like a story first, I read it like a poem then, but both the times, I felt a real pain in my heart, as I could feel the pain in his heart.

astrosunilnomy said...

Amazing, how well you can imagine a particular situation & narrate a story out of it is just awesome, the deailts in the feeling fo emotions are just great !

being alive said...


being alive said...


Timeless Memories - My Bygone ! said...

I always had a question y al the good things end so fast..

Very emotional one..

Beyond Horizon said...

Instead of any flattering adjectives i wud like express :) :) :)....not used :( yes definitely its sad n painful but the emotions are heartfelt...n dis is wat i felt after reading...NO NEED OF DEFINITION...ONLY FELT EWMOTION...WE CRAVE 4 IT...WISH TO RECEIVE A BIT...SHIVER AT D THOUGHT OF LOSING...MOST ETERNAL FEELING...ITS LOVE...CAN ONLY BE LOVE!!!


sm said...

interesting story

Sarah malik said...

a beautifully written story. and more than nething i loved the way it ended...love never dies :)

Harini said...

Its sad, beautiful, tragic and interesting all in one :).

Unknown said...

Hie .. too guddd...

caterpillar said...

That was a very touching story...kind of made me wonder if the rat race we are all engaged in is worth it after all if we lose someone who means a lot to us...

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

The preparation for the gruesome journey is the worst part, specially when we know that we are going to be alone, after a very long time, the golden time perhaps.

Nice read.

Blasphemous Aesthete

Megha said...

painful but really really sweet!!

Alcina said...

The chronology is excellent.

“Love everyone; everything; every second. You never know when they’re going to take it all away.”>these lines are the awesomest(if this kind of word exists)

And the concluding part is so damn easy to write..I think not that easy to follow in the realistic ruthless world :)

Urmi Pakalpati said...

“Love everyone; everything; every second. You never know when they’re going to take it all away.”

Gosh, Sourav ... i so believe in this! But people bind themselves with so many rules, do's & don'ts that they don't realize that they are denying themselves such pleasures/joys of life ... its a pity! but that's the way life is ... very few know how to express themselves without trying to figure out if thats the right thing to do ... after all, if you feel it, share it, express it, shout it out to the whole world !! LOVE it !!